I think people love the word “resolution” because it actually sounds like you just might do something. Let’s call New Year’s Resolutions what they really are; a list of “who I wish I was but know damn well I won’t be by the end of January.”
This year my resolutions are bullet proof. I have created an impenetrable list of success. For 2008…I lay down my gauntlet.
Resolutions:
1 To be a better man.
2 To write my own definition of the word “better”, making the man I currently am good enough.
3 In the event that I fail to live up to the new version of the word “better”, I reserve the right to compare myself to a “lesser” man.
4 If a “lesser” man does not exist, I will redefine the word “lesser”, so that “any” man is someone I can be “better” than.
5 If all resolutions fail to come true, I will live among the animals making me the “only” man and undisputed holder of the “better” man title.
6 Should I be challenged by an “ape-man” of unusual intelligence, I hereby entitle myself to settle all disputes through “opposable thumb wrestling” or a “who doesn’t throw their feces” competition.
7 To come up with at least 7 resolutions.
8 To exceed my expectations.
**All resolutions are subject to revision without notice.
JPC
Monday, January 7, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
