Psoas I was saying…

Psoas muscle: (SO-az) either of two muscles of the abdomen and pelvis that flex the trunk and rotate the thigh

I have a Psoas muscle. I never knew I had a Psoas muscle until it attempted to relocate my hamstring through my tailbone. I am lying flat on my back right now grimacing to the beat of involuntary internal contortion. For those of you not familiar with the mighty Psoas, it and the hamstring perform the muscular “alley oop” of the lower body. Medically speaking, I suffer from an excess of “oop”. Now I wake up in surprise positions that look like hieroglyphics.

The usual suspects have chimed in their 2 cents. Go See A Doctor! Normally, I would. But sadly, little is known about the human spine. Most of it is made up of chalk held together by a viscous slime similar to a raw oyster. (Note: like the oyster, spinal gelatin is a powerful aphrodisiac) While it seems to be a very pliable, responsive system, the spinal column is actually a rigid mechanism with a finite number of pre-determined moves, and when you have completed your moves…you die. Those of you thinking this argument is not supported by medical fact are 100% correct. It was taken from the Underwriters Handbook of my Health Care Provider.

The Psoas must be important. An online video Pilates instructor specializing in “pole dancing” conditioning vouches for its value. So in this era of medical advances, let us not mourn the lack of funding for mankind’s ailments. Let us instead turn to the “medicine of mob rule” on the Internet. All of life’s problems can be healed through “stripper-centric wellness” programs available on You Tube.

So while I develop carpet burn from fidgeting on the living room floor in search of temporary spinal nirvana, I offer you this Blog.
On behalf of my self and my tirelessly twitching Psoas muscle currently performing a salsa number on my sacrum, I must crawl away.

JPC

Thanko De Mayo

I don’t do this for the awards and accolades. It’s not about the ego stroke or the gut feeling that you think more of me than you do yourself. It’s not about that.
But occasionally some award comes along that makes me stop and take notice.

So I would personally like to thank YOU. I don’t know who YOU are, but YOU know who you are. And on the off chance that you have no idea who YOU really are, maybe this could be YOU?

Without people like YOU, I would not be here today, proudly claiming my honor as the 4th Most Perfect Comic for the 95.5 FM KLOS Cinco de Mayo Five O'Clock Funnies on air poll.

YOU took the time to sing my praises. YOU made the effort. YOU overlooked my 50% less than Hispanic side and said, “No me importa”.

The results:

George Lopez 25 votes
Paul Rodriguez 15
Gabriel Iglesias 15
James P. Connolly 1- (That would be YOU!)

So thank YOU! Not to be pushy, but maybe next time you could call in with a friend.

Muchas Gracias…

Don Diego de la Connolly

Benefit Show May 17th Lake Tahoe IMPROV

Just spreading the word about a fantastic benefit show taking place May 17th at Harrah's in South Lake Tahoe.

"Maxed Out Laughter" sponsored by the Lake Tahoe IMPROV
May 17th 7:30PM
Harrah's Lake Tahoe - South Shore Room

For ticket info go to: www.southshoreroom.com

Proceeds for the event go to help veteran comedian Max Alexander who is in need of a kidney and is facing rising medical bills.

The show will be in the South Shore Room at Harrah's Lake Tahoe (yeah Elvis has been there)
and so far the lineup includes:

Rocky Laporte
Scott Henry
Mark Pitta
James P. Connolly
Kat Simmons
and always the "Master of the Ceremony" Howie Nave.

Great Comedy. Great cause. Great place to be on Saturday May 17th!

See ya there and spread the word to anybody you know in the Tahoe/Reno/Sacramento area.

JPC

2008: Predictable Resolutions

I think people love the word “resolution” because it actually sounds like you just might do something. Let’s call New Year’s Resolutions what they really are; a list of “who I wish I was but know damn well I won’t be by the end of January.”

This year my resolutions are bullet proof. I have created an impenetrable list of success. For 2008…I lay down my gauntlet.

Resolutions:

1 To be a better man.

2 To write my own definition of the word “better”, making the man I currently am good enough.

3 In the event that I fail to live up to the new version of the word “better”, I reserve the right to compare myself to a “lesser” man.

4 If a “lesser” man does not exist, I will redefine the word “lesser”, so that “any” man is someone I can be “better” than.

5 If all resolutions fail to come true, I will live among the animals making me the “only” man and undisputed holder of the “better” man title.

6 Should I be challenged by an “ape-man” of unusual intelligence, I hereby entitle myself to settle all disputes through “opposable thumb wrestling” or a “who doesn’t throw their feces” competition.

7 To come up with at least 7 resolutions.

8 To exceed my expectations.


**All resolutions are subject to revision without notice.

JPC