You know what makes a great gift for the Holidays…my CD “The Master Plan”.
Statistics clearly show it is still the #1 Comedy CD in America…when not compared to other CD’s. Last Holiday season I sold out completely, so I am ready this year. I stocked 2. It is always better to give than to receive and the more you give the more I receive. Isn’t that what the Holidays are all about?
And because TIS THE SEASON I promise to autograph each and every CD and do my part to raise the market value by:
(a) Becoming grotesquely famous so even my excrement is routinely sold on eBay or
(b) Dying freakishly and ending up on E! True Hollywood Story (or its local cable access equivalent).
Link to the “Special Holiday Edition” CD
Many of you are saying James P., I already have a copy of “The Master Plan”. Why should I purchase a new one? First, your questioning of my CD is a violation of the original purchase (check the fine print) Secondly, this will be a “Special Holiday Edition”, in that I will write the words “Special Holiday Edition” on the CD itself. To make this an even more enticing offer, I pledge never to write those words anywhere ever again.
What other comedian will make that commitment? How many others can actually write?
An even more lucrative link to the “Special Holiday Edition” CD
But James P., while I am dually impressed with your penmanship skills that clearly elevate you above the monkey (except maybe the one that talks or has superior memory skills), what if I buy the CD and I am not completely satisfied? Good question. Better answer. Statistics also show (hold on while I finish fabricating these statistics) that lack of satisfaction in YOUR life cannot be directly attributed to my CD! Things that can be: loss of 5mm of CD storage space. So before you go dumping your Mommy issues on my CD, I think you need to check in with your Holiday spirit. My Holiday spirit is Jack Daniels. I checked in several hours ago.
What’s that Jack Daniels bottle? YOU want 5 copies of the “Special Holiday Edition” CD?
Time to restock the shelves!
JPC
The most linkiest of all the links to the “Special Holiday Edition” CD
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