I actually do know the Heene family. I worked with them on several occasions when they ran a video editing business in Los Angeles. I remember one conversation in particular. At the time it meant nothing to me, but in retrospect it was filled with subtle clues.
I walked in to their editing offices holding a shiny silver mylar balloon shaped like a muffin top, as I had done on several occasions before. I handed the balloon to Mayumi and she tied it to Falcon’s stroller. Richard and I began our usual banter:
Me: “Some pretty amazing weather we’re having, huh?”
Richard: “I have discovered the secret of anti-gravity in the cyclonic action of tornadoes. I am going to put my children in the center of one to test my theory.”
Me: “Touche’!”
Suddenly, the balloon began to come loose. Falcon crawled out of the stroller and into a box marked “in case of hoax”.
I said, “Isn’t that cute?”
Richard screamed, “Mayumi! You didn’t tie the f*#@ing balloon!!!”
I asked the Heenes why they decided to have a third child, and Richard said it was because the oldest two would be too large to hide in the attic. When I pressed why would the kids hide in the attic, the Heenes all threw up on me. After I demanded they stop throwing up on me, they ran to hide in the attic. Informing them there was no attic in the building, the Heenes began to vomit on each other. When their dry heaves ran silent, Richard apologized and offered to swap me his wife, but asked if he could yell at her and kicked something first.
I said, “If you do…I will call the police and local news on you!”
“You’d do that for me?” he whispered.
NOTE: Congratulations to the Heene’s hometown on their brand new revenue stream: "Welcome to Fort Collins. Home of the Balloon Boy Incident."
Friday, October 30, 2009
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