Psoas I was saying…

Psoas muscle: (SO-az) either of two muscles of the abdomen and pelvis that flex the trunk and rotate the thigh

I have a Psoas muscle. I never knew I had a Psoas muscle until it attempted to relocate my hamstring through my tailbone. I am lying flat on my back right now grimacing to the beat of involuntary internal contortion. For those of you not familiar with the mighty Psoas, it and the hamstring perform the muscular “alley oop” of the lower body. Medically speaking, I suffer from an excess of “oop”. Now I wake up in surprise positions that look like hieroglyphics.

The usual suspects have chimed in their 2 cents. Go See A Doctor! Normally, I would. But sadly, little is known about the human spine. Most of it is made up of chalk held together by a viscous slime similar to a raw oyster. (Note: like the oyster, spinal gelatin is a powerful aphrodisiac) While it seems to be a very pliable, responsive system, the spinal column is actually a rigid mechanism with a finite number of pre-determined moves, and when you have completed your moves…you die. Those of you thinking this argument is not supported by medical fact are 100% correct. It was taken from the Underwriters Handbook of my Health Care Provider.

The Psoas must be important. An online video Pilates instructor specializing in “pole dancing” conditioning vouches for its value. So in this era of medical advances, let us not mourn the lack of funding for mankind’s ailments. Let us instead turn to the “medicine of mob rule” on the Internet. All of life’s problems can be healed through “stripper-centric wellness” programs available on You Tube.

So while I develop carpet burn from fidgeting on the living room floor in search of temporary spinal nirvana, I offer you this Blog.
On behalf of my self and my tirelessly twitching Psoas muscle currently performing a salsa number on my sacrum, I must crawl away.

JPC